Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Heaven is real, says four year old

These books are the new sensation. I originally thought they were fiction, but apparently, they are claiming they to be real:

Heaven is for Real: A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back

Synopsis: 4-year-old goes to heaven during surgery, comes back and has information he couldn't have known otherwise. Jesus told him stuff while he was there, so pay attention.

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90 Minutes in Heaven: A True Story of Death and Life

Same thing, but it's a famous Baptist minister this time, hit by a semi. Makes the New York Times bestseller list.

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23 Minutes in Hell: One Man's Story About What He Saw, Heard, and Felt in that Place of Torment

Real estate agent goes to hell for 23 minutes, says it scary.

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I think this genre may be my ticket to finally get published. Some ideas:

Daisy goes to Deadhead Hell: An account of a Deadhead forced to listen to Miley Cyrus for all eternity.

Self-explanatory. Horrendous song lists greet her upon arrival, containing old Partridge Family tunes and commercial jingles. First thing, they serenade you with "I'd like to teach the world to sing"--and make you drink New Coke. (You always wondered where it went to, didn't you?)

Nirvana is Real: a Trip to the Pure Land

4-year-old goes to Nirvana during surgery, says it rocks, comes back and tells us to kick back and relax, you'll get there eventually. Buddha tells him that animals have souls, and child instantly becomes a vegetarian, upsetting his Texas family of hunters and steak-eaters.

23 Minutes in Hell: alternative version

Hell is populated with fundamentalist Christians, or wait, is that heaven? Existential drama modeled on the terrifying Jacob's Ladder, as our plucky heroine can't quite figure out WHERE she is.

Luckily, LSD wears off in about 12 hours.

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Add your own! Play along at home!